More than ever in our history people are living on their own, add in the pandemic and there is a growing epidemic of people experiencing loneliness.  Our feelings of loneliness are sometimes taken as a character flaw adding a layer of shame, and contributing to our silence, isolation and fear of reaching out for support.  

The feeling of loneliness is the discomfort we feel when our relational experiences do not meet our level of desire for connection.  Loneliness can occur because of our situation, such as living on our own, pandemic, divorce, loss of a loved one or unfulfilling relationships.  Internal and psychological factors such as depression, and beliefs about self and low self-esteem can also contribute to feeling lonely.  

Like many of our emotions that feel uncomfortable, the feeling of loneliness is a call for compassion and attention.  Our felt sense of being lonely is our systems recognition of our human desire to connect, to be seen and to see.  And how beautiful is that.  Your heart is calling out for love.
 
Impact of loneliness on well-being

Loneliness has been linked to several adverse outcomes and risks factors:

• Alcohol, drug, and internet misuse
• Heart disease
• Type 2 diabetes
• Arthritis
• Alzheimer’s disease
• Depression
• Increased production of stress hormones
• Sleep disruption
• Weakened immunity system

• Poor decision-making

 
Creating a new relationship with loneliness

Start by recognizing that loneliness is a universal condition most people will experience at some point in their lives. 

There are concrete effective steps that help combat loneliness, such as: getting a pet, volunteering, joining a group, sharing a hobby or skill, and establishing an exercise routine.

If the above are not logistical or practical possibilities or feel too hard then start from a place that is gentler and more supportive of yourself.

• Talk about your story and how you are feeling with a trusted friend or family member
• Notice your self talk
  • Notice when your self talk is negative
  • Notice if you are approaching opportunities with openness or a belief that connection is not possible
• Bring awareness to beliefs you are holding
  • What are you believing about self and others in this struggle?
• Grow an existing relationship – keeping in mind that not everyone is ready or willing to meet us where we would like.
  • What would it be like to show up more authentically?
  • What would it be like to ask for what you want / need?
• Extend yourself compassion
  • Meet your feelings of loneliness with softness.  A heart that is longing for connection deserves to be held with tenderness.
  • How might you meet a friend or loved one that was feeling lonely?
• Reach out for support from a mental health professional
  • Like other areas of mental health, we are not meant to struggle on our own.  Loneliness can create a cycle that requires the support of a professional to really see us and be at our side as we courageously take steps to meet our goals. 

In support
​Catherine

​It has been another challenging year for many.  Individuals continue to struggle with grief, loneliness, and isolation as they remain separated from loved ones, places and friends that bring joy and renew spirits.  And others are struggling with working long hours, the disconnection of online learning and experiencing worries about the future.  It is my hope that amongst the challenges there were some moments of gentleness and gratitude, of reflection and peace, and of connection and love. 
 
As we look ahead to the coming year, what are the hopes and dreams you have for yourself?  Have you taken pause to reflect, to remember to dream?  Are there thoughts and patterns that no longer serve you that you would you like to change?  Would you like to stop living from a place of fear and open your heart to give and receive love?  Is there an attitude of scarcity that is keeping you small and afraid?  What does your inner wisdom know is possible, but your inner critic/ego voice whispers can’t be done or is too much?
 
Whatever your struggle, you don't need to go through it on your own.  It can help to talk about it and have someone really hear us.  Sometimes we need to learn new coping skills or help in figuring out how what happened to us affects how we think, feel and behave.  Sometimes we need help to heal from things we have done or things that were done to us. 
 
There are many reasons individuals seek counselling.  Clients seek counselling when they are struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, or when they can't stop the negative self-talk about their self-worth and abilities.  Individuals seek counselling when they are feeling stuck, worried, upset, frustrated, uncertain about their purpose, or experiencing a significant life event.
 
My passions are at the intersections of hope, curiosity and courage.  Hope is the seed that when tended can blossom into a life transformed.  Curiosity is the spark that shines a light on the path, and courage is the strength to take the journey. ​​
 
You are here because the seed of hope is already alive within you. 
 
Wishing you peace and love for the New Year.
 
Catherine